"I'm a pimp in every sense of the word, bitch..."

"Shit I...
parts with nothin, y'all be frontin
Me give my heart to a woman?
Not for nothin, never happen
I'll be forever mackin"
~*Big Pimpin', Jay-Z*~

Awwwww yah...gotta love Jay-Z! Lately I feel like this song has been the tone and mood of my lifestyle. Just replace the 'woman' in the song with 'man' and you've got me! I've been thinking about it alot lately and I really don't think I want a relationship right now. I'm having WAY too much fun to just throw it all away and settle down like some petty housewife. It's funny how your attitutes are constantly changing and ever evolving throughout life. Ever since I was a little girl, I wanted the fairy tale. I'm talking knight in shinning armor, white picket fence house, the whole nine yards bascially. But now, thank god, with maturity I've realized there is no such thing. In relationships, it's all about compromise really. I think this is one of the reasons the divorce rate is so high nowadays b/c people aren't willing to work at it and compromise. I don't know, I don't think I'm the type of girl guys fall in love with. I'm the type of girl that they go out with to the bars, live it up and then just leave it at that. This used to sadden me and I used to get lonely but I really don't anymore. For the most part, I think relationships are bullshit but I won't subject you to my cynical rantings about that. It's sad but I realize no one in your life is a constant figure. I used to think anyone who came into my life and was special to me would be there forever. It's taken me years upon years of growth and experience to finally realize this is not the way of the world. People come and go, things change, you gradually learn to except this fact of life and move on. I finally have. Friends come and go, guys come and go, life goes on and you have no choice but to trudge foward too even if it's unwillingly. One door closes, another one opens. This is how I look at it. It's not some stupid fairy tale- it's life and it's real. I don't understand how people sit there and try to look at it with eyes so obviously tainted with false notions of life, love and everything inbetween. Although some of my original dream still remains sometimes I feel like it is all in vain. You have to be realistic and you defiently have to step out of your dream world sometime. I may never get married. I may never have kids. I may never fall in love. Life doesn't make any guarentees, life doesn't secure your future. Things happen that change you forever and in your heart you know you will never ever be the person you once were. This is who I am now, this is where my life has taken me. People come and go, don't let them in, don't let them break you. Protect yourself first and foremost and most importantly remember no one in your life besides yourself is constant.